From the beginning

With the start of the new year, I made the decision that millions of others did to lose weight in 2010. My weight has been an up-and-down rollercoaster ride for years. I cringe when thinking back to my childhood. To this day, the word "husky" pisses me off. After years of wearing those deep blue "huskies"FOR BOYS that my mom got on sale, I can't even see a Siberian dog w/o flasing back to late elementary school where all the girls were wearing their stonewashed jeans with the cuffs tucked. Everyone but me in my stiff, dark jeans with the gold seams. UGH.

So, I wasn't a dainty child. I grew up in a working class family where we ate ole' meat and potatoes and we sat at the table til we cleaned our plates. Even now, my mom STILL serves me the same portion sizes-twice as much as I really need! I remember that when I graduated from high school, I weighed 160lbs. At 5'3", that was about 40lbs. over weight. What I wouldn't give to only be 40lbs over weight now! Slowly the weight crept on. My twenties were spenting living on fast food and drinking liquor like it was water (what, booze has calories?!?!) while working at least 2 jobs at a time to support myself. When I met my husband in 2006, I weighed 200lbs., a low after diet/exercise for 3 months. We were engaged in October 2006 and found out in December that we were expecting a (surprise!!) child. God had other plans for our child and in February I miscarried. We were married in April. We found out in early June that we were once again pregnant. I was 240lbs (my all-time high!!) when we found out about the baby.

I only gained 15lbs while pregnant and was back to my pre-prego weight by the time I left the hospital. After yo-yoing the past few years, I'm weighing in today at 231lbs. "The Slide"...it has a couple meanings. The obvious one is the sliding back and forth while dieting. The less obvious, more personal one has to do with a recent playdate I had with my 2-yr old little girl. A local play area has a two story slide. After no less than 15 trips up the stairs, I was sweaty and ready to be done. My daughter was all smiles and rearing to go again. As I feared dropping to my knees and keeling over in front of the other parents, I distracted her to another activity. Later, the shame hit me. I couldn't keep up with a toddler. UGHHHH No more! I'm gonna conquer this!! I will NOT be the mom who sits on the bench watching her kids play. I will not be the fat mom who's child/teen is embarrassed to be seen with her. I want to around to see this beautiful little girl grow, to graduate high school, to fall in love, to have babies if she so desires. I will remember THE SLIDE.